Shit

In a place like this, what is generally said, are shitty things and what is generally done, are shitty things. So while on my shitpot the other day, I urgently felt the need to classify the shit that tends to fly around this place at all times (and occasionally hits the fan). Of course, you have a general shitty theory and everything shitty comes under it. But, in a place like this we are talking of specialised bastards, who know their minds: so even their shit has to be regarded separately and classified.
Now a small background into what started this off. AK24 is one of the meanest assholes I know, and therefore one of the better friends I have. The other day we were chatting, and as usual he had some real nasty things to say about people. In his usual manner, he was tearing these people apart, to my utter amusement. And while this was going on, he decided to tear in to Seagrams and his immaturity. (Running high on hormones isn’t a sign of maturity, possessing plenty of brains is the deciding factor in this case).
Supposedly this person had been bugging him a bit and coming up with crappy details about German World War warmachines. Now, you appreciate people having this unquenchable thirst for knowledge, but till the time they are not sapping out your own brain fluids. Seagrams had apparently started doing it to AK24, which obviously was getting to him. So he tells me something to the effect of, what the fuck makes him think that people would genuinely be interested in tiger tanks and panzers anymore, most people have got over such Nazi German shit by now. A fair point to make.
So that was the starting point: Nazi German Shit. So I started to classify the kinds of shit I know of (here and elsewhere). These are the results of my extensive and ongoing research.
Atlas Shit: You shit on people and expect people to bear with it, because you are doing so much. For whom is it?
Bull Shit: When you wake up on the right side of the bed and every shit of yours goes right.
Bear Shit: When you wake up on the right side of the bed, but every shit of yours goes wrong.
Brownian Shit: Random bullshit. Just look important, speak and be heard.
(Des)cartesian Shit: “I can think my bloody ass off. Can you?” I can’t. Do I die till I can?
Dogmatic Shit: When you read silly books and start believing the world’s flat.
Freudian Shit: Psycho-sexual Babel. People, while handing out such shit, tend to pretend they understand other people’s minds. It’s been 23 years and bloody hell, I don’t know my own mind!
Goebbels’ Shit: The world knows your IQ to be as good as Stephen Hawking’s.You know you’re no better than a monkey.
Machiavellian Shit: Beg, borrow, steal, lie, loot, kill, shoot, rape, murder, shit (in no particular order)and win .
Nostradamus Shit: “Dude, I have my whole life figured out. I do this and this and then this and then that and finally this.” You forgot to allot some time to die, dude!
Platonic Shit: Shit you give when you’re dumped. “We’re just good friends”.
Ptolemaic Shit: Shit you give when you are too full of yourself and think the universe is centred on you.
Reebok Shit: Your attitude stinks more than your shit.
Whorish Shit: Find your UShitP and then find a mart for yourself.
UFT shit: You try to combine all you know about everything under the sun, and over it and you make this huge massive turd which threatens to block out the sun itself.